That's no monkey
by a secret admirer
Summary: "Attention shoppers! Is anybody missing an undead arm? Nobo...- ah yes, miss Swan?" - Starring just about everyone, a story about love, friendship, family, forgiveness and happily detached limbs.
1. Locomotion

Disclaimer: _I don't own Twilight or any of the characters._

_Sorry for posting this twice, there was something wrong with the first version and when I tried to fix it the prologue went blank, permanently... _

**A/N **Okay, this story is weird but it may very well be my personal favorite. I wrote the first two chapters of this a while back, together with my sister. She posted it, but sadly she couldn't find the time or drive to write anymore so she asked me if I wanted to finish it by myself. Now, I actually have more than enough stories as it is, but this one is so dear to me that I couldn't say no.

These first two chapters were beta'd by BellaSwan635 and Alice Cullen is My Idol.

Enjoy, it's supposed to make you smile.

**-Bella's point of view-**

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-:-

"Soww... d'you want coffee or something?" he asked, taking the seat opposite mine.

I didn't reply and I didn't move.

And I sure as hell didn't want _coffee_.

"Hey," He lifted my chin to look me in the eyes, "...you okay?"

I rolled my eyes. _Okay?_ Was he always this dense? I tried to remember.

Hah! _Re-member_. It wouldn't be the first time today that I tried to re-member something. This would have been hilarious in a parallel universe. So on behalf of that universe, I laughed. It sounded insane, more than anything else.

How I wish I could re-member.

"Well I'm just swell, Jake," I started, using my best John McClane-voice. "Fan-fuckin'-tastic. Why?"

Sarcasm it was, then. I wasn't being at all fair of course. If it weren't for Jacob, my predicament would have been even more straitened. And by 'more straitened' I mean that, I would have been dead. Or living-dead, whatever. Let's just say I would have been paler.

Still, I needed to vent and he could take it. He always could. _Edward never could. Edward couldn't even take watching me cross the street. Not without first scanning a three mile radius for cars, tricycles, impure thoughts and the imminent threat of stray tigers roaming Forks._

"Does it hurt?"

Amazingly, it didn't.

"Yes."

"Can I take a look at it?"

I turned away from him, putting my left arm over my right, 'guarding' it, or whatever the hell I thought I was doing. Like he would try and eat it or something. I mean, he was a werewolf after all. And hideous as it may look now, I couldn't help but feel protective of it.

"…Bells?"

I turned even further away, pretending to be in pain. He laughed at that. He didn't believe me, not for a minute. Why was everyone always on to me? _Note-to-self: Burn Oscar-speech._

Screw him, this wasn't funny. It was like, the worse things got, the greater his need to laugh 'things' in the face. Edward would never have laughed at this.

_No, Edward would have left at this._

Hah! Laughed, left, my parallel-universe-self was laughing once again. Though some would prefer the term 'barking like a hyena.' The sound seemed to disturb Jacob.

Good.

"Bella, give me your arm."

He was giving orders now, trying to keep a straight face but failing miserably. I could always read him like a book. Of course, Jake was more like a comic-book. He found this amusing? Edward wouldn't have found this one bit amusing.

_Edward would have found this another good reason to leave._

"Bella! Give. Me. Your. Arm. NOW!"

I glared at him.

He crumbled, realizing that using his Alpha-attitude with me wasn't going to get him anywhere.

'_Time for plan B,_' I saw him think.

"C 'mooooon just let me try and help you! I won't do anything to it, I promise! Just let me take a look at it. Please?"

Plan B as it turned out, was whining.

"Pfff. Fine!"

Reluctantly, I handed him my arm.

"Thanks."

He let his eyes and fingers glide over the flawless skin. Well it would have been flawless if not for the silver crescent bite-mark covering just about the entire wrist, the dried mix of venom and blood covering that, and the mud clinging to that. And was that... wolf drool? Eww.

He studied it intently, all the while holding his breath with an expression that looked as if he had never been more repulsed by anything, ever. Personally, I think it was all an act. Acting all werewolf-like, being disgusted by anything vampire-related. That was just him, protecting his image of being a tough Alpha-male. _Mortal enemies?_ Please. Get over yourselves. I drifted off in my skeptical thoughts while Jake continued to investigate my arm.

Then out of the blue, he swung it at me, missing my face just by an inch.

"What the..? Hey knock it off Jake!"

He looked at me, the way I imagine a father to look at his 14 year old daughter when she tells him she's expecting twins.

"Geez Bells, lighten up! As if I would ever hit you! And with your own arm, no less. What do you take me for? I mean, shit. Really?"

He appeared genuinely shocked. I could tell he was trying to wrap his mind around something other than me being mad at him.

"It just, I don't know. It moved. I didn't do anything I swear!"

For a moment we both looked at the monstrosity that was my arm- in horror. It seemed harmless enough now, hanging limply from Jacob's massive hand so I raised an eyebrow accusingly.

"I swear it wasn't me," he claimed again.

His eyes were huge, and desperately pleading with me to believe him. Then suddenly, that mischievous twinkle appeared, abruptly changing his expression from a mixture of repulsion and being offended, to defiant. Obviously he had thought of something smart to say. I swear, he lived for that stuff. He believed he was wit, incarnated. Peter Pan had nothing on him.

He looked down at my right shoulder, letting his gaze linger there for a few moments. The corners of his mouth slowly but surely turned upwards before he looked up to face me. He then held up his arms -and one of mine- on either side of his grinning face. As if to say, 'Sorry for what I am about to do Bells, but someone has to. All is fair in love and mock-fighting'.

_He wouldn't._

I gave him a warning glare.

He chuckled.

_I guess he would._

He was going to joke about this.

"Do you really believe that I'm the kind of man that would hit an _unarmed_ woman?"

_3… 2… 1… _

On cue, he burst out laughing at his own words.

I yanked my pale, cold, dead, rock-hard, sparkly, immortal arm from his grip and hit him upside the head with it.

"This isn't funny Jake!" It only managed to make him laugh even harder. "First off, missing an arm doesn't make me _unarmed_, just _one-armed. _Besides, it's not even missing! It's just detached, so really, I'm not even one-armed when you think about it_._"

Meanwhile Jacob, being the traitor that he is, was rolling on the floor, laughing.

I then realized that I was in fact still holding on to my detached limb, and to top it off I had been involuntarily swinging it wildly in front of his face while I yelled at him. It must have looked kind of like king Arthur, waving Excalibur around while addressing the troops.

Well, _kind _of.

"Hahahaaaaaaaaa ahahaaa aha haaa! Itsaahhaaaa aah itsanimaaaaaaaaaahahaaa!"

Good God.

This went on for a good five minutes or so. Him laughing, me cursing, him pointing at something, me telling him to stop it, him laughing some more, grasping at his stomach due to all the merriness. Sometimes he tried to say something, that much was obvious. But forming words proved impossible through the laughing and the tears –Yes, _tears_- so I couldn't make out a word he was saying.

I ran a hand through my ragged hair and rubbed my eyes, trying to calm myself down in order to think.

_Wait… No I didn't!_

I gasped, and in a reflex I dropped the arm that -of it's own accord- had been touching my hair and face just moments ago.

As it hit the ground, it gave me the finger.

I stood there, stunned, looking down at my suddenly insubordinate arm. It never acted like this when it was still attached, I was sure of that. It had always been a fairly good arm. Never rude, always civil, only doing things my brain told it to do. Immortality, apparently, had given it an attitude.

Jacob had by now recovered slightly, standing upright but still laughing.

"Hah, it's -ahaha- it's animated!" he managed to laugh. "While you were yelling and screaming and going all McEnroe on me, your freak-arm here was pointing at me accusingly and balling it's fists in frustration. Didn't you see it? Man, it was priceless!" He bit back another round of laughs. "It's definitely got your temper Bells!"

"I'm glad we amuse you. You know it flipped me off just now?"

I kept my eyes glued to the abomination formerly known as my arm –TAFKAMA- while he considered this.

"Did it now?"

He remained quiet after that. A little_ too _quiet, I decided.

My head snapped in his direction to see him gow red in the face, trying very hard not to laugh at me yet again. That son of a… I felt like slapping him.

What happened next, happened very quickly. My self-governing arm had somehow managed - again, all by itself - to climb up Jake's clothes and before either of us realized what was going on, it –_Tafkama-_ had pulled Jacob into a headlock. Jacob, being a werewolf and having super-strength, couldn't seem to shake it off. My arm, apparently, had super-duper-strength and my best friend, who was now clearly unable to speak, looked at me anxiously. I was about to try and help him when Tafkama tightened it's grip around his neck and pointed a playful finger at Jake's jaw.

Now you see, hands don't have facial expressions. I know this. It requires a face, at least. But I could swear at that moment it looked… excited. Conspiratorial, even?

Okay weird.

But I didn't waste a moment. Directing my attention at Jake I sneered, "Laughing at me, were you?" and I grinned an evil grin. He needed to be taught a lesson, and if it took a supernatural arm to help me do that, then so be it.

He made a smothered sound and his eyes seemed to say, '_Oh no you wouldn't!_' It didn't look very intimidating though, if only because he was being restrained _single-handedly_ by a girls' arm.

Sure, I realized I had to get it off him at one point, but, first things first. I brought back my left, human, submissive arm, and then lashed out.

Slap! Square in the face.

Almost immediately after that, Tafkama released it's iron hold, but only the hand-part. The elbow remained firmly in place, clasping tightly around Jake's throat. Before I could wonder why, it held up it's hand, looking …smug? My mind was busy processing this, so it took me some time to notice that Tafkama waved at me a little, trying to get my attention. It seemed to want something from me.

I studied it, still a bit confused. It seemed aware of the fact that I was looking at it again, and held up it's hand a second time, the palm facing me.

Hmm. _Maybe..._

"You want a shake?" I asked?

Tafkama brushed that off, dismissingly.

"Uhm… High five?'"

I got a thumbs up.

So, without further ado, I High-fived my dead hand. It looked pleased. Then it made a fist, brushed Jacob's chin with it -condescendingly?- before it let go completely, landing gracefully on all fours, I mean fives, finishing with a theatrical bow.

Jacob just stood there, dumbstruck. As if he was waiting, _wishing_, to wake up.

I needed a human moment. All this supernatural creepiness was getting to be more than my brain could handle in one day.

"How about that coffee now?" I asked.

Jacob simply nodded, staring at nothing in particular. He didn't speak. I guess that, dismembered limbs out to get him weren't something he faced on a daily basis.

Tafkama made a polite 'no-thank-you' gesture, before stretching and making itsself comfortable on the couch's armrest.

All the excitement, emotions and confusion running through my body caused me to feel a litlle dizzy, so for now I chose to direct all of my attention to one welcome emotion; Smugness.

And that is how, I came to walk over to the kitchen, still reveling the feel of my silent victory over Jacob. In hindsight, I should have maybe reveled the feel of my feet on the floor instead, because it might have prevented me from tripping and falling. Of course falling was in now way foreign to me, I always did all my own stunts. If nothing else, I was a skilled faller. But this time, being one limb short, I wasn't able to catch myself. And that's how I ended up flat on my face.

Such a shame. My willy-nilly-falling-at-inopportune-times be damned.

Over at the couch behind me, I heard a light thud. Then a sweet sound, like tiny stone feet tiptoeing on the wooden floorboards, coming towards me.

I felt something cold gently patting me on the back, in a _'better-luck-next-time'_ kind of way. I couldn't help but smile.

-:-

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_I'm glad you made it all the way down here. Chapter two should be up later today, I just need to make a few alterations to it. Anyway thanks for reading and hey, I would love some reviews. Like I said this story was unforseen, so if you want to read more please tell me before it ends up gathering dust ^^_


	2. Caught redhanded

_Chapter two! Have fun!_

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_

-:-

So, how did I end up here?

'_Here_', referring to on the floor of Billy Black's living-room, facing down, being comforted by my own undead arm.

I know, the thought alone should repulse me profoundly. But it didn't. If anything, it reminded me of Edward. _My_ Edward. It felt good no matter how pathetic that made me. And if I just kept my eyes closed, it was almost as if it _was _him comforting me. And truthfully, even if it hadn't reminded me of him at all, the motion of the cold hard skin stroking my shoulder was... sweet.

_'Disarmingly so,' _I'm sure Jake would have added, had I thought that aloud.

_**- YOU! -**_

?

_- …__**I wanna take you to a gaybar**_ –

? ?

**_[buzz buzz]_**

!

It took me some time to realize the sound was coming from my phone. If Edward had still been here, I would have heard 'C_lair de Lune_', '_Für Elise'_ or some other delicate, sweet symphony, ever so gently alerting me to the incoming phone call. Jacob however, turned out to have a very different take on ringtones. Evidently he had grown tired of his previous choice -'_Who let the dogs out?'- S_o of course he _had to_ change it again. Far be it from him to let me choose my own ringtone for a change. That must be why '_Gaybar_' now bombarded my eardrums. Always so classy, my Jake.

The sound snapped me out of my moment of self-pity, only for it to be replaced by panic. Crap! There could only be one person calling me, after all. Jake was here with me, and I had alienated just about every other one of my friends, so…

…this was Charlie!

I totally forgot about him, and I was supposed to have been home hours ago! Oww this was bad. All these months of me, acting impossible had to -at some point- cause my father's mental scales to tip from tolerating my behavior, to disowning me for it.

That thought caused an image of my future-self '_Sans Famille'_-style, to begin forming itself in my mind. My back-up plan. I could vividly picture it now:

_...Alone in the world - unwanted, daydreaming of long-forgotten lullabies and of cold, eager lips tenderly exploring each and every part of my body - I wander the sad streets of yet another, anonymous small town. Entertaining people for money, accompanied only by my three dancing dogs and Jolie Coeur: my loyal, fee-collecting-monkey, dressed up in a bellboy-suit. Of course, dressing up animals wasn't something I would do under ordinary circumstances but, as pickings are slim, we are happy with every penny we can charm out of the few townsfolk kind enough to take a pity… -_Wait a minute, that scar, those sparkles...Heeeyy, that's no monkey!...

- …_**I wanna take you to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar**_ -

I didn't exactly _like_ the prospect of talking to my father and, needless to say, I wasn't quite feeling the possible outcome of that conversation, either. However, I figured that ignoring him at this point wasn't exactly my best bet against an impending future in street theatrics, so I got back to my feet. I was in enough trouble as it was, and I didn't want to add 'being exiled' to the mix.

While getting up, I noticed that my undead hand Tafkama had already retrieved the ringing phone from my bag. As soon as I stood it handed it over, while wagging an invisible tail.

"Thank you," I hesitated.

I gave it an appreciative nod, though I was still taken aback by the behavior of my former body-part. It wasn't so much _how_ it behaved, just that it _did_. It responded to my 'thanks' by giving me a little wave.

'_Anytime,_' it seemed to say.

**_[buzz buzz]_**

_- …__**I've got something to put in you**__-_

I looked down at the screen. No caller-id? That's not like Charlie. He was probably still at the station. I flipped it open to answer, still expecting to find a yelling chief of police on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

No answer. I tried again.

"Uhm… Who's this?"

…

"Bella? HeBellawatchoutforthatrug!"

I didn't recognize any of the words apart from my name, but I immediately recognized the sing-song voice that spoke them. But, why? _Why_ would she be calling me?

Well actually, I can think of _one_ thing. And _she _would know. But what was it to her? And did she tell _him_?

My mind was racing as those, along with countless other questions were fighting each other over front-row-seats to getting my attention. And alas, if your name is Isabella Swan, walking properly demands ninety percent of your focus at all times. So once again, I tripped, this time the culprit being a curled-up corner of the rug. It would have landed me right back on the floor, face-first, if it wasn't for Tafkama managing to catch me before it did, providing me with a soft, injury-free landing.

I heard a snigger and looked up to see Jacob looking down at me, laughing, trying to rub in my gross motor skills. Figures. At least he was no longer catatonic. Jake was never one to dwell.

Now, where was I? Ah yes, my phone. I found it lying next to my hip, picked it up and brought it back to my ear. For safety reasons I didn't even bother to get up anymore.

"Alice?"

…

"Alice is that you?"

"…Oh, sorry! Bella? Hi! Yes… yes it's me. Excuse me I'm… I'm sort of… in the middle of something… here. I'm having this vision, see. You're in it, and… Wait, what's th- Bella, is THAT your ARM?"

"I don't know. Is it walking around by itself?"

"Yes."

"Is it sparkly, without a body and dead?"

"Yes."

"Well then yes, of course it's mine Alice. Obviously."

"Y-Yes, obviously. Bella tell me something. Why isn't it attached to, oh I don't know, you?"

"Like you don't already know the answer to that."

"I don't, honestly. So who turned you? And what's with the arm?"

"Nobody turned _me_ Alice."

"What? But how? I... I don't... - Not now Jazz - ... Bella, _how_ then?

"What, are you telling me you didn't see it happen?"

"No, honestly I didn't! After you got those two motorcycles a few months ago –something we'll have to talk about later, by the way– but anyway, ever since then all of my visions concerning you have been hazy. Not to mention rare. It's like something's blocking me. Although there was that one vision where you hit your head _on_ the toilet seat. Hah! On the actual toilet seat, Bella? That was a good one. And clear as a crystal. However you managed to f- Hold on… No way!"

"What?"

"In this vision… uhm…, Bella, your arm, could it… Is it playing _fetch_?"

"You tell me."

"Oh, right. Hmm. Yes, definitely playing fetch. The arm's not the one doing the fetching though… Funny, I can't make out who is. The vision get's blurry when I try to zoom in on that. Did you get a dog or something?"

"I guess you could say that."

"Aww. Look at it, all fingers and thumbs. It's rather sweet once you get used to it. In a freak-of-nature-sort of way. Hey, I know! You should buy it a nice glove! A brownish leather would be best I think, camel maybe? Or black? Diffiult to say... Don't worry I'll check Dior's spring-collection. Ooh, and a bracelet! I know just the one! Or would you prefer a watch? I guess I could get it a watch instead. Although I don't really see what a stray arm would need a watch for, I mean, really…"

"Alice…"

"A manicure then, surely?"

"Alice!"

"Right, sorry. I obviously forgot who I was talking to. I can see you losing your arm did nothing for your fashion-sense."

…

"I've really missed you," she squeaked.

I sighed.

"Yeah, me too. But that doesn't mean you're off the hook. I'm still mad at you for leaving."

"Fair enough. - Jazz! I said Not Now! - But can I please come over? We need to talk, it's about Edw-...arf."

"A dwarf?"

"Yes. Well, no... never mind. But it's important."

"Will you help me with this arm-business?"

"Of course! I'll bring Carlisle. He's always the resourceful one when it comes to handling weirdness. So, can we come?"

"Sure, I guess… why not? When?"

**_- Ding dong –_**

Damn! Those vamires sure don't waste any time. Especially since they have so much of it.

"Is that you already? Alice what were you thinking, coming to La Push?"

Jacob seemed confused by this. He took a good sniff, and then mouthed the word '_shit_'. But he didn't seem pissed off at all. Not the way he usually did when he caught the scent of a vampire. Instead, he seemed _panicked_ all of a sudden.

This wasn't like him. The prospect of facing a vampire had always exited him. His eyes would narrow instead of widen and his hands would make fists, instead of cover his mouth. It had certainly never scared him before, so why would Alice? As long as she didn't take you shopping, you were perfectly safe, right?

"Didn't anyone ever tell you about the treaty? You're not allowed anywhere near here!"

"Oh Bella, don't get your panties in a bunch! Or in your case," she giggled, "your cotton drawers! I had no idea you were at La push, silly. Besides, I know better than going over there. Even without the treaty, the place smells horrid, ugh! I'll never get it out of my clothes and-…"

Out of nowhere, Jake grabbed my arm and seemed adamant in dragging me to his bedroom. The suddenness of it all caught me off guard, and before I had time to protest he sat me down on his bed and put both his hands on my shoulders. It was all very caveman-ish. For a moment there, I thought he was going to try and kiss me again.

When he just kept staring at me without saying a word I finally asked, "Jake, what? Who's at the door?"

He gulped.

"It's Charlie," he whispered.

Now it was my turn to panic. As it turned out, there was only one prime reaction to realizing my father was at the door, because I mimicked the silent '_shit_' Jacob had mouthed just moments ago, perfectly.

_Sowwww... Where did people go to get miniature belbboysuits these days, anyway? And what do you feed a dog?_Three_dogs, even. I hadn't really thought this Plan B through._

"So if you don't mind, will you please tell the _leech_to call you back some other time? Maybe then you can help me think of a plausible explanation for the fact that _you_," he shook me a little, "…are able to lick your own elbow."

I nodded, desperately trying to locate my vocal chords and when I was pretty sure I had found them, I brought the phone back to my ear.

I vaguely registered Alice calling my name. She sounded worried. No doubt due to the abrupt interruption of our conversation just now, combined with her inability to see my future these days. I would have calmed her down if I hadn't been too busy worrying about Charlie. So I just cut her off mid-sentence.

"Alice! Alice, calm down! I'm fine, but I have to go now. Promise you'll call me tomorrow."

"Thank God, there you are! What's going on? Are you _trying_ to give me a heart-attack? Because let me tell you, if such a thing were possible I w-…" Why she had never pursued a career in telemarketing was beyond me.

"Bella! Jacob!" Charlie's voice sounded from the kitchen.

He'd let himself in.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit

"Promise me Alice!"

"Of course! I promise I'll call you tomorrow, first thing. But B-…"

"Sorry. I really gotta go. Bye!"

"Isabella Marie Swan! Don't try and run, and don't bother puttin' your head in the sand, either. I know you're in here! 'Cause I doubt that truck o' yours has a twin that just so _happens_ to be parked right outside _this_house. Now get your camel-bird-butt out of the sand, and in here this instant!"

"Think of something, fast," Jacob hissed before he rushed over to the kitchen.

An act of bravery, indeed.

I could vaguely hear the two them talking.

"Heeey, Charlie!" was Jake's mealy-mouthed greeting to my dada.

"Yeah yeah, where is she, six-pack?" my father demanded. "What have you kids been up to this time?"

"I.. we.. nothing, really. Up to? Wh- why would you think that?"

_This year's Oscar may not have been meant for me, but Jake sure as hell wasn't taking that baby home, either._

This wasn't going very well. Tafkama had joined me on the bed at some point and was now resting it's hand on my thigh. Funny, if I turned my head just enough, it still looked like 'my' arm. Just a bit paler, dirty and scarred.

_Wait a minute, if I just..._

"Yeah Sherlock, why _would_ I think that?" Charlie spat. "Maybe because Bella missed her curfue by four hours? Or maybe because Shane called, saying he saw the two of you coming out of the woods, carrying something that looked like a shimmering arm! Now I know the old drunk must have been imagining the arm, but I do remember telling Bella not to go into those woods! Something's not right here and I'm not leaving until I know what it is! So where is my daughter Jake?"

_His daughter_, was busy putting Tafkama up her sleeve and making it look like it belonged there.

I took a look in Jake's mirror. It looked... believable. This might actually work. Now, if it would just behave its self, I could pull this off.

Time to join the only two men in this world that hadn't written me off. Yet.

While I was making my way over to the kitchen, I could hear that Jacob's resolve to keep my limb-loss a secret was already caving.

"Okay Charlie, maybe it's best if you sit down," he coed.

"Like hell I am! What's going on Jake?" His voice was a mixture of anger and worry. And worry was quickly starting to get the upper hand.

"I'll tell you, but please, sit down first. It might be a lot to take in," Jake pleaded.

What was this? Did we not agree that telling Charlie wasn't an option? And now Jake was about to abandon ship? He was going to tell him? He was seriously considering telling my father –_My _father- that a vampire had sent my arm into eternal damnation? He was going to try and explain this?

_To Charlie?_

"Stop stalling and tell me where my daughter is!"

"She's in my room. She's fine. Well, fine given the circomstances."

He _was_ about to abandon ship. He _was_ going to tell him. He _was_ seriously considering telling my father -_My_father - that a vampire had sent my arm into eternal damnation. And yes, he _was _going to try and explain this... - _To Charlie._

"Circomstances?" The threat in his voice could not be mistaken for anything else. I swear, my dad was more scary than any supernatural being I had ever come across.

"Well, s- see, this afternoon, we _were_ in the woods. And maybe Shane did s-…"

Time to make an appearance.

"Hi dad!" I interrupted.

Both men took a step back, taking in my dishevelled self.

Jake, though obviously relieved that he didn't have to face my father's wrath alone, didn't seem convinced. He made a show of rolling his eyes at me, and the text clouds in the comic book that was Jakob Black seemed to read, '_Yeah, way to go Bells. Great long-term solution_'.

My father looked me up and down, and then rested his gaze on the obtrusive blood-covered bitemark. I had hoped he wouldn't notice that. At least not immediately. It was still clearly visible because of my 3/4 sleeves. He finally tilted his head up to look at Jake. If looks could kill, Jake would have started to decompose.

Jake noticed this too, and decided that the truth might set him free yet again. He quickly resumed his explanation.

"So, as I was saying, we were in the woods this afternoon. And before either of us realised it, we were-..."

"Having sex!" I finished.

They both snapped their heads in my direction, each of them having their own set of reasons to look aghast. Jake because of his now indivertible death at my father's hands, my dad because of the alleged, unauthorized sex. Charlie's grimas took a turn for the worse when he looked back at the scar on my arm.

"Uhm…, Jake's a biter?" I tried.

...

You could hear a pin drop.

-CLOINK!-

Oh oh...

_That_ wasn't a pin.

-:-

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_Thanks for reading! (To those who are reading__ 'death will find me alive' as well, yes, I did recycle a joke there. Because let's face it, detached limbs are very disarming ;D )_

_Reviews are most welcome, they inspire me and don't be afraid of being critical, I love honesty!_


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